So, I figured that it was probably time to start writing down my experiences during this crazy journey that feels like it has taken up a giant chunk of my life.
Yes, I am talking about Infertility.
I knew I wanted to be a mother for most of my life. Obviously as I got older and into a committed relationship, the dream became more of a goal.
I met Joe just before my 29th birthday, summer of 2006. I knew he was the one almost from the moment we met. We immediately started talking about getting married someday but neither of us was in any hurry to plan anything. We moved in together less than a year later and decided we wouldn't use any precautions for preventing pregnancy. I had seen a doctor after the first year because I was concerned about my heavy/painful cycles and after a few tests, told that there was nothing wrong...so we continued doing what we did.
fast forward another year...I mentioned to my doctor that we had been TTC without any luck, but she told me since I was still young that we might try for a few more moths on our own before looking into treatments.
I put it off again because I wanted to wait until after we at least got officially engaged before actually jumping in to actively TRYING for a baby, but once that happened, I was so busy planning the wedding and doing things to prepare, I kind of put it to the side and said to myself "we will do this after the wedding".
Of course after the wedding 10/1/2011, we tried for another year, timing, taking ovulation prediction tests, tracking temperatures, CM, all the things that the fertility websites tell you to do in order to get pregnant...and still nothing.
I went in for my annual exam and told my doctor I was ready to start infertility testing.
First, Joe had to get his sperm tested...it came back just below average but not bad. They said they could definitely work with it.
Next, my turn...this was where the adventure began.
First test I had was called a Hysterosalpenogram in November 2011. They administer this test to determine whether your fallopian tubes are clear by inflating your cervix, inserting a catheter, and injecting a radioactive dye into your uterus, then taking several Xrays to see whether the dye flows through and out the ends of your tubes.
I was told this test was going to be "slightly uncomfortable"...literally I believe this was the most uncomfortable part of the entire process thus far...and I have been through a lot.
regardless, the test showed that my right tube was blocked and that the left one most likely had an obstruction but the fluid forced it open.
I cried quite a bit, but at least i found out why we had not been able to conceive on our own, and I was reassured that they would very likely be able to fix it!
I was scheduled for a lapraroscopy in January 2013 to determine the cause of the blockage, and they ended up removing stage 3 endometriosis from several areas, and cleared out my tubes.
Score! I was clear! I was told that if this surgery was successful, they could start me on Clomid right away and that they were confident I would get pregnant within 3 cycles.
After a pretty easy recovery (a few days) I was told to come in for ultrasound and labs on day 3 of my next cycle.
3 weeks later, I was back for testing...and delivered a huge blow.
after I went through the whole surgery, I had a huge hemmorhagic cyst (likely caused by trauma from the surgery) on my left ovary and they could not stimulate them until it was gone.
I was crushed. I cried the whole way home.
I had to be on birth control for 4 months until the cyst was gone, re-checking every 2 months.
Finally, the time came and they put me on Clomid (an ovarian stimulation drug) to promote growth of my follicles and produce more eggs. not that I wasn't producing them on my own before...my cycle has always been very regular...but I wanted to speed the process along (I was already 34 at this time and my biological clock was screaming at me).
to summarize, we spent 2 cycles trying with the clomid and timed intercourse, then moved on to IUI (intrauterine insemination) with the use of clomid, carefully monitored ultrasounds and other various hormones to help my body sustain a pregnancy if it should occur.
every month I imagined symptoms (created most likely from the hormone supplements) and every month I got my period I was heartbroken.
so, after our 4th IUI, my OBGYN doctor referred me to a specialist- a Reproductive Endocrinologist is the technical name for this type of doctor.
We scheduled a consultation and got in to see this specialist in October 2013 (almost a year after my surgery). I had all my records sent to them beforehand so the doctor could review my case. We were given an informational packet and interviewed by the doctor and nurse to find out our personal history and she said that she would definitely recommend IVF even though we had unexplained infertility.
although I knew that in-vitro was most likely our next step, I was terrified.
I heard horror stories about having to stab yourself with needles repeatedly and go through torture for an outcome that was still unknown...and it was EXPENSIVE.
Luckily our insurance does have coverage for IVF but it is limited and it would still cost us several thousand dollars out of pocket.
thank God for my parents being as supportive as they are. they agreed to help us with the financial burden, and so our IVF journey began.
The initial "clearance" portion of the process was honestly probably the most stressful. I had to get a physical exam and breast exam from my OB. I also had to have a physical with my PCP...a mammogram at age 35 for a baseline (as they pump you full of hormones for IVF) and another clearance with a neonatal preternologist due to me having a high BMI.
everything came out clear. no high BP, no diabetes, nothing else wrong with me...so I had my final meeting with the RE just after the new year to discuss the IVF process.
They want to supress you before you begin stimulation, so they put me on birth control pills for about 3 weeks. I got a giant box of medications in the mail from my pharmacy and on 2/15/14 I was actually excited to stab myself with a needle in the belly!
I had 2 different stim drugs (follistim and Menopur) that I took for 4 days between 6-9pm every night, then went in for a check in the office. Ultrasound and bloodwork. then I had to start another injection to supress ovulation (called Ganirellix)...they want the follicles to grow but not to actually release the eggs yet. They continued monitoring me every other day or so until around the 20th. then i had to go every day for US and labs to monitor how large/how many follicles I had on each ovary, and how my hormone levels were responding.
I had to adjust my meds a couple times but as they originally predicted, I would have my egg retrieval done on 2/26. I had my husband inject me the night of 2/24 with an HcG shot to promote ovulation, did one last supression injection the same night, and the morning of 2/26 went to the downtown chicago office for my egg retrieval.
The retrieval is done vaginally, with a needle that goes through the vaginal wall into the ovaries, guided by ultrasound. They sedate you and afterwards give you a drug to make you forget everything so it is pretty much like being anesthetized. After the retrieval process (which only took about 15 minutes) I was told that they had retrieved 8 eggs.
I was slightly disappointed to hear that number. I was given a prediction originally of 12-16, but i kept reminding myself, it only takes 1!
what they don't always tell you is that just because they retrieved 8, doesn't mean they will all successfully fertilize or that they will even make it to embryo stage even if they do fertilize.
The next morning they called me with my fert report...5 eggs were mature, and 4 were fertilized with ICSI (they inject the sperm directly into the egg with a microscopic needle).
more waiting...2 days later they called with my update...all 4 embryos were growing and they wanted me to come in for a 5 day transfer on 3/3! this was great news...if your embryos make it to blastocyst (usually 5 days) that means they have a higher rate of surviving and implanting!
so we got ready, left the house at the crack of dawn on 3/3 to make it downtown, and it started SNOWING. ugh. took us over 2 hours to drive to the office (about 18 miles) and i was so nervous in the car the whole time that we were going to be so late and they would have to cancel my whole cycle and it was all for nothing. of course this was ridiculous and I was being overly hormonal (due to supplements) as well as just being stressed about the whole process...and we made it in plenty of time (still 30 mins later than we were supposed to be but they told us to be an hour early).
I took my prescribed 10mg Valium, drank enough water to fill my bladder (as directed) and waited for my RE to come in with my embryos.
When she came in, she had a smile on her face. I couldn't tell at first if it was to soften a blow or if it was good news...but then she spoke.
"So, you have 2 gorgeous embryos that have the highest rating we give an embryo"
my heart was beating out of my chest. this was incredible news!
"the other 2 are pretty sluggish"...i didn't even care at this point because we had 2 good ones!!
She asked if we wanted to transfer one or both...and in our previous discussions, Joe and I had said we wanted to increase our chances by transferring 2 if possible, but when we said 2, she looked at us seriously and said "you do realize that means you are probably going to have twins?"
I was floored...she was so confident. She assured me she was very confident that they would both stick, and so we opted for the single embryo and to freeze the other.
the transfer took only about 5 minutes. they showed me my embryo on a screen in front of me enlarged by microscope and it was beautiful. I was already in love with it.
she put it into the catheter and showed me the ultrasound monitor as they placed it into my uterus.
My husband asked for a photo of the tiny white dot on the screen so he could put it at his desk at work! LOL.
I was positive it was going to work!
and then the dreaded 2ww (2 week wait in the infertility community) began.
3 days later I was going crazy. I questioned every twinge, every cramp, every tiny feeling.
I knew it was way too early to detect whether it implanted or not, and all I could do was wait. My pregnancy test was set for 3/13/14- 10days post 5 day transfer (or 10dp5dt).
I joined online communities to help me feel connected to other women going through the same thing and I cannot tell you how much that helped me. I think I would have literally gone insane without them.
about 5dpt i noticed that i had a first response pregnancy test in my cabinet leftover from one of my IUI's. the expiration date was good til 2015, so i told myself i had to wait til at least 8dpt (Sonday) before i would use it.
Sunday came around and I was on the fence. I didn't do the test in the morning so by the afternoon I knew i wanted to use the first morning urine so it would be accurate, and decided to wait til Monday morning...I couldnt sleep all night. terrible insomnia. I was so anxious! finally I got up about 6am and decided to just get it over with. I couldn't control the outcome anymore but at least I could find out at home in my own bathroom when my husband was with me instead of waiting for a phone call in the middle of the day while i was at work, with possibly devastating news.
So, I peed.
about 30 seconds later, i saw a very faint second line start to develop...this has NEVER happened to me, of all the HPT's I have taken in my life...never have i had a second line...so I waited a little longer...just to make sure I wasnt seeing things...and then i started LAUGHING!
I grabbed the pee stick and barged into the bedroom where my sleeping husband was snoring away...and yelled JOE I DID IT!
He jumped up startled and discombobulated..."What? HUH?
"I PEED...on the stick!"
..."oh no, I knew you were going to. And??"
"ITS POSITIVE!"
he proceeded to get up and come into the bathroom to see it...it was still slightly faint but definitely there. I know he was still cautious about it because he thought the hormones could cause a false positive, so he was reluctant to even agree to let me test at home before the blood test, but I was confident that it was accurate.
The next day, my blood test confirmed. PREGNANT, with HcG beta level of 217 on 10dp5dt (or 15 days past ovulation) or 4 weeks, 1 day pregnant!
This was 4 days ago and I am still in shock. I am completely ecstatic and overjoyed and at the same time, trying to stay cautious because it is so early on I know anything can happen with this fragile life inside me.
I am 4w5d today...and have my second beta test tomorrow morning to make sure my levels are increasing at the appropriate rate to determine the viability of my pregnancy.
one more test on Weds after that and then they will have me schedule an ultrasound probably around 7 weeks.
I have never felt more nervous, optimistic, apprehensive, excited, ecstatic, or anxious...and my life has changed completely in the last 5 days.
Of course we are waiting to announce it til around 12 weeks when everything is more concrete, but for now i am wallowing in the joy of this success after almost 8 years.
I told my closest friends and family because they knew about the IVF procedure but I can't wait to be able to shout it to the world...to shop for baby stuff, to plan a nursery, to pick a name, etc.
I can't wait to be a Mother.
